Henry Plotzer and The Philosipher's Toilet
by Cow Pi or Retep
Summary: Read to find out you lazy bums!! :^))
1. What is IT??

"BUZZZ, BUZZZ!" rang the doorbell of the Moore family's house.  
  
"Dear, would you get that?" asked the lady of the house, Mrs. Moore.  
  
"All right!" replied Mr. Moore, groaning and grumbling as he got up off the sofa where he had been watching television for the last hour. Upon opening the door, he received quite a shock, finding a wailing baby siamese twin cow human thing upon his doorstep.  
  
"I must be dreaming that I'm in one of those stupid Species movies!" said Mr. Moore, slamming the door, which caused the poor babything to cry even harder. Finally Mr. Moore opened the door and took the baby inside. After pulling out an old crib, and finding a shabby blanket for the baby, they went on as if nothing had happened.  
  
  
  
The next morning, Mr. and Mrs. Moore were thinking what a strange dreams they had had last night, which is to say until they heard a baby crying! Rushing into the room next to theirs, to check on their own little baby, a spoiled little pudgy child by the name of Dumpling, but to their surprise, they saw that he was still asleep, and that another baby was making the noise that they heard! Mr. and Mrs. Moore found a baby bottle, and stingily filled it with cold milk for the babything. Going outside to get the mail, Mr. Moore stepped on a rock. After letting loose a couple of unmentionable words, such as @$$-O, he looked down and saw that the rock was holding down a piece of paper. Bending down he picked it up and brought it inside to read it to Mrs. Moore, who was just having her morning cup of coffee. The note read:  
  
  
  
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Biscuit Moore,  
  
Please take good care of this child! As impossible as it may seem, this child may well grow up to become a great wizard! Since his parents, Peter and Eht Woc Plotzer have passed away in an explosion involving Pineapple, a hot dog, Zell, Selphie, and the unmentionable one A___l__a, you, his fifth cousins, seven times removed, are the new guardians of this child! Thank you!  
  
  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Bumble Dizpiggins, Headmistress of Griffindorfer, school for the magically ungifted.  
  
  
  
By this time Mr. and Mrs. Moore were laughing so hard that coffee was all over the place. The laughing continued for about five seconds until Mr. Moore read the last sentence:  
  
  
  
P.S. Please give the baby, Henry, more milk, and if you don't mind, could you warm it up, and I would suggest that if you don't want to pay the medical and insurance bills when he comes down with a cold, give him a nice blanket. Also, please stop laughing! 


	2. Aahhh.... to be normal...

(For help in this chapter on Siamese twins, please refer to my bio)  
  
I trust that you all remember Mr. Moore saying he thought he was in a species movie? Well, this was for a good reason. Henry was really a cross between a human and a cow, a Siamese twin if you prefer. So of course, He/she couldn't go to school and be all "normal". Mr. and Mrs. Moore hated abnormalities. They liked to be "normal", which is pretty hard when your name is Mr. Bisciut Moore and Mrs. Ima Lofabread Moore, and you choose to name your son Dumpling Moore, but, somehow, these three imbeciles managed to act "normal". They all lived in a "normal" tree. They all sat on "normal" hot dogs, and Dumpling went to school at a "normal" bakery. The entire "normal" family parked on the parkway, and drove on the driveway.  
  
Henry grew up as a "normal" kid. But sometimes, abnormal stuff happened to him. Well call these "abnormalities". Henry was "abnormal" because he was ungifted. He was "abnormal" because he lived in a house beneath the Moore's tree. He was "abnormal" because he drove on a parkway and parked on a driveway. And nothing at all that was "normal" ever happened to him.  
  
One day he got a letter saying that he was invited to Griffindorfer, school for the magically ungifted. Uncle Bisciut Moore jumped for joy. Dumpling Moore shoved Henry out the door with his fat, and they all left Henry to find the way to Griffindorfer all for himself!  
  
~Will Henry Plotzer survive? Will something "normal" actually happen to him? Find out next time on Henry Plotzer and the Philosopher's Toilet! 


	3. Harry and Haggis go to Gryffindorfer!

Henry was alone and depressed. After taking about a million antidepression pills, he was still depressed. Even Dumpling had been better then this. All of a sudden, a tiny midget jumped out of nowhere.  
  
"Hidow Henwy. Mi namie ish Myatforlyonbooger, buttt hyoo canne cawl mi Myatfor." Said the old wizened oriental man. "But all my friends call me Haggis." He then quickly said in perfect English. (Haggis- a mixture of sheep's brains and fish guts with spices, eaten by the Scottish.) Haggis grabbed Henry and opened his magic fishbowl. "Ogga, bogga, boo." He said in a commanding tone. The sky darkened, lightning blasted and the world came to an end. (Sounds a lot like Chapter 21 from Pineapple's book. Maybe if you beg her enough, she'll put it up.)  
  
"What was that supposed to do, Haggis?" asked Henry.  
  
"Absolutely nothing." Responded Haggis, "Remember, you are going to Gryffindorfer School for the magically un-gifted. We'll have to walk to London."  
  
"But that's over 200 miles!" cried Henry.  
  
"Oh well." Stated Haggis.  
  
300 miles and a bunch of arewethereyets later.  
  
"Oops! So you were right Henry, we were supposed to walk left off the highway onto the London exit. Oops!"  
  
-100 miles and a bunch of you@$$icantbelievewatyoudids (Oh gosh, that just lit up in blue. Does I can't believe that is actually someone's S/N!) later.  
  
Ch. 3 is not finished, I'm just putting it up for now to amuse you all! Please R&R!! 


End file.
